I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?