why didn't you poke me back
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".