I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
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I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
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They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.