Jerry, you need to find god
from now on my penis is your penis
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?