Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.