Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
