You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
