i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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