After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I currently don't understand fingers.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
