I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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