Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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