She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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