at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
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