last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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