I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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