i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
