Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
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You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
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Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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