My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
