margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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