That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
