Don't make out with my wife yet
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
