Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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