there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
