i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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