Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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