Sponge bath it is.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
