Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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