I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
