have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
When are your genitals available?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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