There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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