got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
