remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
