i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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