Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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