we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
