Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
