You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
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He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
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well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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