There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
