just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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