Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
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