my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
