i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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