I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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