"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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