I hate all girls vehemently.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize