rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
