I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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