I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
