i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
