I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
