I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
