Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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