My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
