I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Randomize
