i don't like sucking hair
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
