I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
