My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Quick, to the slutcave!
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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