ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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