Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize