But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
it was like eating out sand paper
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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