TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
