dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
