the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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