if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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