I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I lost the right to judge tonight
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
