Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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