I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
