I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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