my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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