He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I wear drunk well.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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