getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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