i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
