as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
