Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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