Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm gonna have a badass scar
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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