Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
